Funny Things My Kids Say - #2 - The People

John (in whiny voice): Daddy, James hit me!
Me (in annoyed questioning tone): How? He's over here with me.

John (thinking for a new target): The chair hit me!
Me (getting more annoyed): John, that's not even possible. Did you walk into it? 

John (dead serious): The PEOPLE hit me!
Me (getting confused and a little freaked out): What...People?!

John: The Invisible People. 
Me (eyes popping out): Um, OK. Let's just go in the other room. 

Yikes! I had no idea how to handle that one.

On one hand, I was a little pissed because he was lying and just trying to get me riled up.

On the other hand, I was wondering, "Is he really seeing ghosts or something? Is our house haunted?"

All I could think of was that creepy kid in The Sixth Sense. I definitely don't want him to be this kid:

Does anyone out there have a similar "ghost" story from their kids? I have a funny feeling that this happens more often than people want to admit or talk about. Drop a comment with any good stories...

Funny Things My Kids Say - #1 - Doritos & Adulthood

 I think the title is pretty obvious on this one but just in case you need an explanation, this will be a recurring post on random $h!t that my kids say.  I'm sure most of you can relate since kids say some crazy things, especially when it's inappropriate or "adult" funny.  You know you really shouldn't be laughing because it will just make them do it more but you can't help it because it's too ridiculous.  

My oldest son, John, is currently 4 1/2 years old and has some serious gems that I've been writing down since he started talking a few years ago.  My middle son, James, is 2 and just finding his stride with his speech but he will be showing up in these posts soon enough. He's got some solid comedy chops himself.  

Anyhow, here is the first installment.  This actually happened this week on vacation so it's fresh on my mind. I don't know where he comes up with this stuff.

Me: OK, John. That's enough Doritos. You need to eat dinner soon.

John: But you are still eating them. That's not fair.

Me: When you are older and become a Daddy like me, you can have as many as you want.

John: When I grow up and I'm a Grandpa and live by myself, I'm gonna have no rules! Then I'll eat all the Doritos I want.

This was all I could picture in my head after he said that: